Sometimes things need to be said. You have all been there. At the moment, I am really thinking about certain types of people that quilters need to avoid.
And yes, I am mainly telling myself this, but what the heck! You may want a reminder too.
The simplest way to explain it is to say they either are not good for your mental health, or they waste your time. As quilters, we need good mental health and lots of time to make quilts, right?
Who are the people that quilters need to avoid?
- Negative Nellies
- Time Wasting Tillies
- Depressing Dillies
Negative Nellies are those people who no matter what always have something to say about your current quilt project or idea that is negative.
They always know which colors go together better. Their seams always match. They have a better pattern for you to use. Negative Nellies always could have made that quilt faster. Blah, blah, blah…
They destroy your self-confidence and get you questioning your own decisions for the quilt that you are currently working on. You might even cry or get angry (or both) because of their negative comments.
Worse, that wonderful quilt may never get finished because you put it away and do not work on it again.
Time Wasting Tillies
Time Wasting Tillies do exactly that. They come up with all kinds of small and large ways to waste your precious quilting time.
It may be as simple as not being ready to go for an agreed on time to meet for fabric shopping. Or it may involve wanting to spend a lot of time on social media quilt sites instead of actually doing anything quilting. And expecting you to sit there while he/she scrolls around these sites.
Or call you and then become offended because your phone is on speaker while you do things while listening to her talk.
My personal favorite (no, not really) are the ones who are offended because I can visit and hand applique at the same time. Or visit and hand quilt at the same time.
In my opinion, Time Wasting Tillies are very easily offended by other quilters who have better time management skills than they do. My time is precious to me, and I am not wasting it by just sitting. Or by having no self control on the internet or phone.
This type of quilter is all about how bad his/her quilting skills, quilting experience, or quilting feedback is. No matter what, they are sad and depressed about something – quilting or not.
They make no effort to improve their outlook, mental health, or attitude. All they want is someone to sit with them, listen, and agree that their (fill in the blank) is awful.
After two minutes of this you and I are sad. Five minutes later we are depressed. Thirty minutes later we are seriously considering suicide for ourselves, or murder for them. Either way, it would not be as depressing.
Here is my solution:
Negative Nellies, Time Wasting Tillies, and Depressing Dillies will not improve your life. They will not improve your quilting skills.
Believe me, it is hard and even heart-breaking, but these types of people can be eliminated from your life. Yes, this is my opinion and there is certainly nothing that says you need to follow my unsolicited advice.
Unfriend them from your social media, block their phone numbers, and just don’t get sucked into conversations with them. Tell them kindly and firmly why you are doing this before doing it.
Yes, they may be family members or even friends. However, if these folks are upsetting you, or making you angry, or depressing you something needs to be done.
What if you are one of these people??
Don’t be surprised when other quilters avoid you.
All of us have said or done very thoughtless things that we had to apologize for later. However, when these three types of people are always like this it is not thoughtless or accidental.
Many years ago, I had to break off a relationship with another quilter. I considered her my best friend for years, and was very hurt when I finally woke up and had to stop our friendship. The longer we were “friends” the more negative she became.
She criticized every quilt project I did. Then there was the criticism about the amount of time I spent on projects. And along with this, she was always depressed about something in her life. The point came I could no longer ignore the profound and constant negative impact she had on my life as a whole.
My own attitude became very negative. I got depressed and I was not the mom, wife, or co-worker I should have been. That is a time in my life I am not proud of.
Love life, your quilts, your family, and yourself (put in the order that suits you). Have self respect. And give respect to those in your life who have earned it.
Do not allow yourself and your quilting creativity to be sucked out of you by people that quilters need to avoid. Be the encourager to other quilters and people around you.